Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
