Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
