Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I need water and some morals
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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