Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
