There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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