Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
