I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
