Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Someone signed my nipple.
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