Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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