i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
