Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
