i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
