I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
