wakey wakey hands off snakey
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
