He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
