He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Still dying that you shit outside
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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