Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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