just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
