You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
