i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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