Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
