what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
