Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
