Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
