next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Found the puke drawer
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
