I didn't shave. On purpose
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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