Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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