Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
