Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
