I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
