why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
