wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
