just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
