Sry I called you an 8
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
