i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
