I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
