It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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