Ketchup is God's man juice
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
