Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
