I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
