I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
