..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
