where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
