it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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