i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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