I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
