no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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