I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
