Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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