she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
